Reply to separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][
The notion that the court can increase child support enough to make up for all this is laughable. I think you know that. [/quote]

No, I don't know anything. None of what you wrote makes a ton of sense.  If you wanted him to take [b]more time -- why didn't you insist on that[/b]?  If he just refused, then I'm [b]not sure why you also let him control the expenses as well[/b]?  Why didn't you have an [b]agreed-upon list of expenses and ensure that he paid his share[/b]?  [/quote]

"more time -- why didn't you insist on that" -- And how exactly do you imagine that I could force him to take more time?  Drive by his apartment, put the kids in the lobby and ring his buzzer and drive away?  In the 10 years we've been apart he's never so much as bought them a bed or made him any personal space in his apartment.  He cancels over and over again.  When he does take the kids he often parks them with a stranger or leaves them at home alone.  You cannot force someone to be a parent.

"not sure why you also let him control the expenses as well" AND "agreed-upon list of expenses" -- you recognize these are contradictory statements, right?  I cannot force him to pay for anything that he doesn't want to pay for beyond state-mandated child support and his share of child care or health insurance.  I cannot get him to agree to anything beyond that.  According to my attorney, the state will not require him to pay for any medical expenses that are "discretionary" (no braces, out of network doctors, medications that are not on the formulary list, etc.), nor will the state require him to pay for discretionary expenses like tutors, activities, college, college applications, etc.  He controls the expenses to the degree that he can just say no to anything that is discretionary, which is anything beyond child support, health premium and child care when they were too young to be left at home.

"ensure that he paid his share" -- how exactly do you imagine this would happen?  Write myself a check? Call his bank and present my bills?  Beyond getting the state to take child support (which I've already explained doesn't cover even half of the costs of the kids) from his check, there's nothing I can do to "force" him to pay his share.

I have thoroughly explored this with an attorney.  I have very little recourse and even if I did try to go to court to get some of his share of medical bills, the outcome is not likely and will probably cost me more for a lawyer than I am likely to get back.

There may be situations where spouses agree to split all the costs of raising children.  But, if your spouse doesn't agree, then one parent is left holding the bag and paying for everything or shifting the failure onto the kids.  (Yes, I suppose I could make my kids take out 100% of their college costs in loans, but I don't think that's fair to them.)

So, thanks for your worthless, victim-blaming advice.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics