Reply to Any tips for not resenting a chronically ill DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You have my sympathy, OP.

My mother has been chronically ill her whole adult life, with multiple sclerosis. Chronic illness does something to a lot of patients: it makes then self-centered. If they cannot contribute, they start making light of others’ burdens out of self-defense, otherwise in a busy household they would feel guilty all the time. My father has done everything in the house for many years, was the sole breadwinner as well, and has up til now, at 70 years old, displayed angelic patience. He was rarely appreciated fairly by my mother. Now he is starting to weaken cognitively, losing his filter, and gets upset at her... I feel the next decade isn’t going to be pretty.

It’s SO HARD to get out of that cycle, and it takes humans with a high degree of emotional intelligence to manage the guilt/resentment, especially in periods of stress. I recommend finding a therapist specialized in dealing with chronic diseases, particularly the one your husband has.

Good luck to both of you, and your kids.

[/quote]

That sounds more like dementia and you sound like a pretty mean person.  She is not self-centered and you don't really understand it given your post.  [/quote]

Unless you have been married to someone with MS, you have no idea what you’re talking about.[/quote]

I cared for someone with dementia, far worse for many years.  I have a chronic illness so yes, I know how it feels.  Thank goodness I'm not married to you.[/quote]

I have both cared for someone with dementia, and been married to someone with MS. I repeat, you have no idea what you are talking about.[/quote]

DP. Don't bother. You are right, of course, but the poster you are responding to won't listen to reason. I recognize the poster you are talking to. She believes caregivers should be subject to the worst abuses, and it is fine because the abusing spouse is sick. She lashes out at anyone who even remotely suggests that caregiving can be hard for the caregiver, even when the sick spouse is also abusive. I am convinced she is an abusive spouse.[/quote]

You haven idea what its like to have chronic illness.  No one is talking about being abusive but you as you are looking for something not there.  [/quote]

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