Reply to Any tips for not resenting a chronically ill DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DP here. My DH is sole breadwinner and I am SAHM with chronic illness.  He has taken care of me, our two kids, and the house for more than 6-7 years. He helped me to get help for my condition and after a long time, I have become somewhat functional again. Yes, we outsource a lot of work and I was able to at least direct the people we hired to help out but it was not a great situation.  [b]I am so thankful to my DH[/b] for not losing his patience with me and being the most compassionate person.  I sympathize with your situation and I know it is tough.  The only path forward is to  outsource as much as you can and get a lot of insurance for both of you.  Hopefully, he will recover somewhat and things will become better. [/quote]

This is why your situation is nothing like the OP.

How would your DH react if you told him hiring cleaners was NBD and he wasn’t even the one who was home to talk to the handyman and babysitters he hired? Would he still be compassionate with you if you said all the things he did to help you weren’t that hard and didn’t take much time? [/quote]

My DH would have been extremely happy if I could at least work and hold a job.  This would be more than what he got from me for many years. I had a person who came to bathe me because I was unable to take care of me.  If I was working then it would have meant that I am able to take care of myself, go to work for at least 8 hours and then drive back home.

Maybe  it is a gender thing. DH did not stress if the house was messy as long as I was still alive when he came back each day.  My kids would check in to see if I was still breathing.  I am sure if the situation was reversed the disorganization of the house would have made me resentful.  So, I get it.  I  am trying to put in another perspective of how many men and women are dealing with a sick spouse and the responsibility of a household and kids - and it is hard on everyone - the sick spouse, the spouse who is bearing the burden on their own., the kids.

My suggestion is to get the help that you can, get insurance and try out different things that can help your spouse.  I went from western medicine to eastern and a complete change in diet, supplements, exercise etc.  I am trying my best to live a normal life but I need a lot of rest to be able to function now.  This is an improvement from being bedridden.

You have no control over sickness or misfortune.  You however have control of the peace, happiness and climate of your home  - and that is determined by your reaction to things around you.  You should do your best to preserve the good vibes in your home. [/quote]

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