Reply to How did your spouse (or you) resolve long-term unemployment?

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[quote=Anonymous]I've written extensively in the pass about my DH who suffers from depression/ADHD and was unemployed for a long time.  He was in a toxic work environment and we agreed it was better for him to quit and that we could float for no more than 6 months before he HAD to get a job.  You can guess what happened next.

I didn't realize he was spiraling into a major depression when he quit his job. His parents had significant health issues and eventually died and the medication DH used to control his depression was no longer effective. We have 3 kids and they were late to school at least once a week.  The house was a complete disaster, kids at like sh!t, I did all the cooking, I did all the laundry.  I did all the therapy appointments (2 kids had ST/OT/PT).  For nearly 2 years, I did it all.  I ended up 'catching' his depression and was on an SSRI.  DH refused to seek a change in his medication, refused therapy (we had a relationship counselor we used early in our relationship and found it useful) and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. DH just didn't give a sh!t.  It got to the point that I decided the kids and I were better off without him.

I gave DH an ultimatum.  I don't know why he didn't think I was serious.  Part of it was the depression, I'm sure.  But, when he didn't act, I did.  I consulted with an attorney - and made sure DH knew it.  I started looking for other places to live, asked him how he'd like to handle the sale of the house, if he would be getting an attorney, etc.  I also completely disengaged from him, sort of what I later learned was like the 180.  Although my marriage was broken and I was moving on, it was the shock DH needed to turn things around.

This was all about 8 years ago.  DH is underemployed, 50 and in the service industry.  I have little hope that he'll ever be in a professional job again but his depression is under control and he pulls his weight.  It's not how I pictured our marriage but we are sufficiently successful to remain together. However, he knows I cannot, and will not, allow myself to get pulled down like was when he was in that major depressive episode.  I'm not as resilient.[/quote]

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