Reply to How did your spouse (or you) resolve long-term unemployment?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am married to man exactly like yours.  It even seems like our chore split is the same.  He was unemployed for 3 years.  He made over $200k until he was laid off when his company went under when he was in his mid 40s.  When he didn’t quickly find another job, he got discouraged and depressed and basically shut down.  Meanwhile, I quit my mommy tracked job, leaned in (way in) and have more than doubled my salary to help make up the slack.

Our marriage really started falling apart.  I insisted on individual counseling for him and joint for us.  The counselor made me realize I was partially at fault for enabling him.  I made sure everything was taken care is so he never really worried about anything.  She told me I had to give him an ultimatum and mean it.  He took a job making less than 1/3 of his old salary.  Within a year, he was up to 1/2 his old salary and now 4 years and a job change later, he’s almost where he was once was and we’re slowly rebuilding our savings.  His company isn’t doing great and I constantly stress over another layoff and have made it clear that if that happens, I’m not sticking by prolonged unemployment again.  He either needs to figure things out quickly or he’s out, I don’t care how much it costs me.

Our marriage will never be the same.  I tolerate this roommate like arrangement bc as long as he’s employed, we’re both better off socking away as much as possible for as long as possible and he is a help with kids, dinner and some other chores.  If my career continues to climb and I reach a certain amount salary-wise, I might decide to move on, especially when the kids are older. 
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