Reply to daughter's dramatics when being corrected/disciplined

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "daughter's dramatics when being corrected/disciplined"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Psychologist perspective: sounds like a fairly normal tween/teen response--but like anything that raises your parental concerns even if they seem trivial: keep any eye on it; you know your kid.  We worry more about kids who have such talk continually inside their heads but don't say it aloud--they are so afraid of being unloved/unlovable that they dare not articulate it. 
In most situations, the most effective response is a calm, brief validation of love/respect in the moment (I hope you know I will always love you).  Don't trivialize the emotion (laugh, make a joke) or view it as something to tamp down (e.g., think you've got to tell her not to be so 'soft') or assume it's manipulative (it often isn't, though sometimes it might be).  Usually just proceed with correcting the misinformation (I do love you), stay calm and loving, keep on track with discussing the issue at hand. Don't let the drama derail the conversation. Model the demeanor you think is appropriate rather insisting she have it also.

When you're not in the "dramatics" situation, it wouldn't hurt to do a little self-reflection on your relationship though (never does).  We sometimes see kids who had a really close relationship with their moms when they were younger and then when they naturally push away a bit as they get older, the parents don't quite get how to re-establish closeness in the new tween/teen phase.  [b]The closeness is needed more than ever, it just takes different forms than when they were younger.  Do you listen with undivided attention to your tween/teen for at least a few minutes each day? Do you frequently initiate affectionate eye contact, smiles, small touches, little jokes--do you look at her with love and appreciation more than you look at her with worry?   Do you have inside jokes with each other--can you make each other laugh? Have you found something to do together you both enjoy?[/b] Her "dramatics" may reflect the very normal sense of loss she feels not being a little kid that more easily and effortlessly connected to her mother and she's just flailing about trying to figure that out and these points of correction/discipline heighten that feeling.   [/quote]

I think this is really important.  As the dad of a 17 year old, it doesn't come nearly as naturally to me to be affectionate toward my kid as it did when he was younger, but I've been making a real effort to tell him that his mom and I love him and to listen whenever he initiates a conversation with me, and it's made a surprising difference in how we get along and handle conflict.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics