Reply to separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work

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Reply to "separation/divorce/coparenting when one spouse travels a lot for work"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you think he actually wants 50-50? You may want to consider a more nontraditional arrangement that maximizes his unpredictable time in town with them, but not at the expense of continuity. So you get them Sun-Thurs, and he gets Fri - Sat PM, but live close together so he can do school drop-offs, therapy appts, dinners? Then on weeks he travels, hopefully he can arrange to be back in town by Friday to avoid losing days. He can also get extra time on school holidays, weeks during the summer, etc. [/quote]

I would [b]never[/b] advise doing this.  I am 10 years post-divorce with an ex who travels a LOT for work.  I have full custody, but since I also do all the parenting, all my parenting time is taken up with school, homework, sports and activities, medical and therapy appointments, etc.   I have very little "fun" time with my kids and that has definitely been damaging to our relationship.  I would never agree to let my ex have only FRI to SUN.  When he is here, he has dinner 2x (he used to have 3 but he voluntarily dropped when he married, which was devastating to the kids) during the week and one day on the weekend.

When we first divorced, I bent over backwards to accommodate travel, making up for the time he lost when he was gone.  The problem is that this also became disconcerting to the kids because the schedule was always changing.  As they grew a bit older, I stop this accommodating.  If he is concerned about the amount he sees the kids, he has many job opportunities with less travel.  His choice what he prioritizes.

Both accommodating his travel and being the full time parent severely hurt my career and income earning ability which was not at all made up for by child support (nor did he provide extra child support while he was traveling, so I paid for any extra help out of pocket).

It's a raw deal if the other parent doesn't want to be a 50/50 parent, and there is nothing you can do to force it.

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