Reply to DH texting much younger woman on Signal, should I worry?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH texting much younger woman on Signal, should I worry?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I remember your thread, and I think I replied on it.

My response is the same.  I spent a number of years in Eastern Europe, and I am familiar with the cultural attitudes toward young women/older men AND I watched a number of expat marriages implode due to middle aged (or older) men having affairs with young women who threw themselves at them.

You have good reason to worry.  I would never, ever have just let this go, and I'm not surprised it is progressing in this way.

Your DH's age means nothing in this situation.  [/quote]

[b]Is it a cultural thing that young Eastern european women are into old men?[/b] [/quote]

In the two EE countries where I lived, relationships were not based so much on the guy being young and hot.  It was more about whether he was a good provider who could take care of her.  In one of the EE countries (I lived there for 5 years), men had a vastly shorter predicted lifespan due to widespread alcohol use (also cultural).  To put it simply, there was a lot more competition for the good guys.  And most people lived in relative poverty.  If you grow up in that culture, your perspective is going to be different from that of a middle class white American girl who grew up in a comfy suburb with everything she needed/wanted.  In that culture, a young hot guy who is an alcoholic or who lives in a tiny, dark Soviet era flat and isn't ever getting out is simply not something you would see as desirable.  An older, established guy who can take care of you and offer a better life is going to be a great pick and there will be tons of young women competing for him.  Nobody is commenting on his age.

Again, I saw this play out so many times with expat couples where the middle aged or older man had an affair with one or more of the gorgeous young women who swarmed him.  These guys never got that kind of attention in the US.  The girls were happy to have an older, paunchy American husband who offered them a standard of living beyond anything they could have hoped for if they stuck with "young hot" guys they knew from school or their (ugly, cramped, overpopulated) blocks of flats.

The way you think of and assess mates is completely different.  [/quote]

Did they leave their wives?[/quote]

DP, and quite often, yes. But that doesn't mean they lived happily ever after.
There are lots of single/separated older women, "babushki," and honestly many of them are happier without their estranged husbands. They get along with their lives taking care of their children and grandchildren and get by on neighborhood gossip with their friends and earn a modest living with their jobs.
[b]The older, wandering men will rinse and repeat with the younger women, seeing themselves no responsibility. The younger woman may think she has it made with the older, established man, until he gets bored and moves on. If she has no plan B, she's screwed in many ways.

This is the way it works in Eastern Europe, anyway[/b]. [/quote]

Yep, many times that is it.

You have heard of the stereotypical Eastern European beauty, right?  This culture and this gender imbalance are the reason girls are so invested in their looks: their looks are often the only way they have of getting ahead, or even getting a husband.  It is super competitive, and the guys who are successful know the odds are in their favor.

I remember talking to an EE mother, who was so upset when she found out her little girl had to have glasses.  She used to encourage her daughter to try to wear them as little as possible in the hope that her eyes would then get strong enough she wouldn't have to wear such a physically defiguring thing.  This attitude was common.  Young women wore super high heels in the EE snowy winters, tottering and slipping along the icy sidewalks and drifts.  They were always in full makeup and with lots of perfume and formfitting clothes.  They would spend what little money they had on beauty treatments.  And again, I can't judge them.  It is a really difficult world.  Maybe if I were one of those girls, I would be eager to get the attention of one of those established, wealthy middle aged American men, too.

But never, ever would I do what OP has done and ignore the attention my husband paid to one of those girls.  Big mistake, OP.  You made a big mistake.  You need to confront him now, and you need to tell him to stop communicating with her except at social events where you are in attendance.  He should not be messaging her or offering to help her out with little things.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics