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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: All I do is ask questions. I listen. I don’t point and I want him to come to me first. But part of me wants to help him understand but I’m not sure how until he opens his eyes. [/quote]

You want him to understand that he is the victim of racism when he feels that he has not been the victim of racism.  And you're frustrated by that.  [/quote]

Because he has been and probably is in his current everyday living  and he can’t see it. His own MIL not accepting him for years is an example. He really thought it was because of his job or his personality-until it came to light that it was due to his race. What don’t you get about that? [/quote]

Hmm. Look at the family forum. There are plenty of people who have terrible relationship with inlaws (from both sides) and race has nothing to do with it. Then the OP even admits her nephew now has a good relationship with his MIL, so what's the problem?

The young man seems capable enough of living his own life and all I see is the OP projecting her own problems and issues on him. The OP, like some people, apparently sees *everything* through the prism of racism even if in many cases it may very well have nothing to do with race. The sad thing about today's angry world is how many people continue to believe everything must be attributed to racism as if it is somehow different form the whole range of human interaction and judgment that are just as discriminatory but wholly ignore it while portraying race as the sole evil.

If the young man feels he living a good life and is happy, then what is the problem? It sounds like OP is upset because her nephew isn't as angry and judgmental as she is. [/quote]

OP here: Can’t you read ? The MIL flat out admitted it was her bigotry. Why can’t you read between the lines that it wasn’t my guess, it was her admitting this. That’s  why she had hostility all those years. It wasn’t an assumption. Of course he forgave her. He isn’t going to hold it against her. But that is why I want to help him see if wasn’t the first time nor will it be the last time he will face issues because of his race. You sound like another racism denier. [/quote]

The problem is you are making a huge amount of assumptions, both about your nephew, his inlaws and other posters on this forum, because you only care about one thing, seeing racism in everything and how everything must be explained because of racism and that if you perceive a hint of racism in something it overrules everything else. But it is your problem, not your nephew's problem. At the end of the day people are not perfect. Nobody is. And this includes you. You exhibit the lack of forgiveness and tolerance I see in your nephew, based your account of him. Meanwhile, I only see intolerance and judgment in you. You think you're a warrior out to save the world by trying to make people "woke" in the evils you see as evils. But guess what, that's not how it works.

Your nephew seems like someone who has accepted life is imperfect, and has worked to maintain good relationships with people on a personal level regardless of whatever imperfections they may have, that has likely been much more meaningful in changing any bad beliefs or behavior than your lecturing and judgmental attitudes. Your nephew's MIL may not have liked him initially because of the color of his skin, but it seems like she learned from him and is likely a better person now because of it. And she's learned far more about humans than some angry harridan screaming in her face about how racist she is.

As a consequence your nephew seems to be much more content and even happy, compared to you. I think you should learn a thing or two from your nephew instead of lecturing him and badgering him. [/quote]

You said this so perfectly.[/quote]

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