Reply to Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?

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Reply to "Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's moving, how is this screwing you over.  Its fine for him to move.  Let him have holidays and summers and since he is moving, he pays for transportation and making arrangements.  [/quote]
Please go away. - new poster[/quote]

Another new poster and I agree with poster you are telling to go away.  It sounds to me that her ex had an excellent plan.  OP does not own her ex and it is easy to see why she has an ex![/quote]

:roll:  This is OP. You are so ridiculous I can't even be offended.

My ex has indeed shafted me and our kid in huge and small ways for years, which I'm not going to go into because I'm not actually here for drama. He already gets to be the "fun parent" while I take care of the actual parenting. When he moves, I'll be handling 100% of the school conferences, pickups from extracurriculars, etc., and will have no regular "kid free" nights. That's fine, but I don't want to lose most of my fun/relaxed time (summer and holidays) with ds.  I'm not trying to control Ex, I'm trying to protect me and my kid by getting advice. Thanks to everyone who actually provided tips and perspective![/quote]

OP you don't have to justify yourself. I get EXACTLY what you're saying.  My ex is the same way. He gets to be the fun parent when he feels like it and does none of the parenting stuff (school, doctors, homework, etc.)

I would tell him that he can have DS a couple of weeks in the summer, half or alternating holidays and pays for all travel.

If he doesn't like it, tell him to stay put.  I would never move that far from my kid.  Period. [/quote]

I agree, but he should get half of summer break, not just a few weeks. Maybe 2/3's, but start negotiating with half of summer break. [/quote]

And if OP's child wants to do a sport or marching band or other activity that requires attendance at summer practice?[/quote]

Then you try to work it out. Kids with divorced/separated parents sometimes miss out. There’s no perfect solution, and a parent still gets to have access to their kid. It’s hard, unfair, and life happens. Even when parents live in the same area band/summer practices can be hard because both parents want to take the kids on vacation and so a good part of summer is taken up by that, and depending on a parents work schedule their schedules may not work with band or whatever.

You just do the best you can. No kid gets a perfect childhood. [/quote]

Well, as someone who participated in an activity in high school that required summer practice, I think that sucks.  At my school/activity, if you didn't come to summer practice, you didn't get to participate, no exceptions.   I would have held a LOT of resentment towards a parent that insisted I miss out completely on that activity because I had to go out of state to visit HIM (or her) when HE (or she) chose to move there.   
[b]Think long term--yes the out of state parent might get the summer visits in high school, but do they want to be a part of the child's life once they reach adulthood[/b]?[/quote]

Making sure to take visitation with your children IS thinking long term. If there is no relationship from your kids childhood because you didn't see them very much, you're unlikely to strengthen that bond when the kid/s are grown and have busy lives of their own. I don't know what to say about the activity issue, but I'm sure there are ways around it - does the child need to be in it ALL summer? Maybe visitation can be planned around it (at my school the summer sports started in August, not mid-June right when summer break started), maybe they get creative with long weekends, I don't know. I do know that parents have the right and responsibility to see their children, and that children are not entitled to perfect lives and childhoods without a single disruption or disappointment. [/quote]

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