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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, it’s possible, but...

I have a friend like that.  We’ve met 20 years ago, have been friends for several years, then dated for about a year, then decided that we’d be better off staying friends, then each of us got married, had kids, and so on.  We talk regularly, meet for coffee once a week, have dinner together a few times a year.   He is one of the closest and dearest people to me.

But, and here comes the “but” part, he is married, which means that his family comes first, and there are no hikes or movies anymore,he simply doesn’t have the bandwidth for it. I don’t particularly click with his spouse, he doesn’t click with mine, so there is no double dates or joint vacations.   Bottom line, you can have a best male friend without any sexual undertones to the relationship, but be realistic in terms of the demands you put on him.[/quote]

Yes, so this is exactly what I want! It is good to know this exists. I totally understand family obligations. I have my own as well and would never neglect my kid. So there is no jealousy on his wife's part? I had a fair amount of guy friends before marriage, but the friendships faded because I felt like "the rules" say it's supposed to be over once you're married. In some instances men married wives who were uncomfortable with it, and even though the man could get away with being my friend, I backed off because I do not feel comfortable being a source of contention. It's important to me to respect anyone's wife.[/quote]

It's hard enough to make new friends when you're an adult with a family and work.  It's extra hard to make an opposite sex BFF because how do you spend enough time together to really get to a deep level of friendship without short changing your spouse/family?  It sounds like you were overly cautious before based on a notion of "rules" and deferring to other people's vague "uncomfortable" feelings, so sure, go ahead and reconnect with some of those male friends you had.  But a BFF is different than a friend.  I would have reacted totally differently to your first post if you were just looking for male friends or a mixed group of friends (you can get a male perspective on things from guys without it being a one on one BFF outing).  I have lots of male friends.  I do not have a male BFF.  The only time I had a male BFF it was a failure to fully disentangle from a long time ex-bf in a kind of codependent relationship and yes, it interfered with my moving on and have healthy relationships with guys I was dating.  My DH has lots of female friends.  But I don't think he'd say any one is his BFF.  I think a BFF is different than just friends.  Even good friends.  Maybe that's where I misunderstood you.[/quote]

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