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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Woof this is rough. To the women saying they were shocked at their husbands helplessness after kids, I really feel for you. Society has really set us up on this one. Considering this is DC I’m really shocked at how many on these boards say their relationships function this way and the shock over the dad actually knowing how to take care of his kid?! That is nuts and I’m hoping a bit of trolling. Fully capable Dad is definitely a norm in my friend group and any dad who wasn’t pulling his weight would get a side eye for sure. We just spent a weekend with friends and for every family dad and mom switched mornings sleeping in, switched who was handling meal time, sometimes one was relaxing sometimes the other. My husband definitely knows how to do all aspects of our son’s care and where everything is just aswell as me if not better since he does the laundry. It really sucks that the burden falls on the women to hold men accountable for this and make it unacceptable to expect anything less, but I think that’s the reality. I think some of this is also impacted by not having discussions about career decisions and their implications for how it will impact things in the future before kids (and after). My husband and I factored in what kind of family life we wanted when he was deciding whether to go to law school or not. He probably makes less money now as a result, but is a 50:50 caregiver because we put a lot of stake in that early on.

That being said even in a pretty much 50:50 in the physical caretaking load relationship, I would agree the reading of parenting books, planning birthday parties, etc falls to me. It’s not a perfect system no matter how we slice it but for anyone younger reading this for some reason, it doesn’t have to be this way - talk early about expectations, before kids, after, and continual check ins. Hold your partner accountable. [/quote]

I’m just re-reading my own words and feeling a twinge of it sounding judgmental to the moms posting which was not what I intended - but how it might come across. To be clear this is all on the men. You can’t force your spouse to step up and I was trying to say it sucks that it falls on us to try to push them to do that [/quote]

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