Reply to If 1st yr grades were subpar, unreasonable to demand DC live on campus 2nd yr?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?[/quote]

around a 2.0 GPA[/quote]

Okay. 
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome? [/quote]

Don't take this the wrong way, why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents? I promise I'll study harder and longer, mum and pa? :roll: Meaningless words, while we write very hefty cheques. A 19 yearold is going to say whatever they think we want to hear. But bottom line, tell me how living a mile from classes and libraries is in any way beneficial to a struggling student. No campus security, no RA, no proximity to academics. Seems antithesis of wise idea. And I'm not quite so sure we should be rewarding the poor performance with such fun and freedom?[/quote]

The conversation treats her as an adult. I would want to hear what my kid says and not assume she’s saying something just to get her off her back. Listen to her with some respect. AND in a calm voice, share with her the conditions upon which you’re going to move forward: set a GPA of 3.0 as a minimum for first semester. Anything less than that, and payments for second semester stop.  [/quote]

New poster here. The posts above about asking what DD has to say about her grades, whether she is owning these grades as being on her, and treating her like an adult who SHOULD own this problem--those are spot on.

It's telling that OP, if it was OP posting, responded with, "Why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents?" and an assumption that the DD wil simply make up stuff to say.

That sounds like there's a real lack of belief on the parents' part that DD is going to be honest or take any responsibility for her own grades or admit if she's been slacking. Maybe OP has previous experience with this lack of maturity in the DD and treason to expect DD to lie or shirk responsibility. OP definitely seems to view an apartment as a "fun and freedom" privilege and not a necessity (I agree it's something of a privilege, but--at many colleges it's totally a necessity due to lack of dorm space for anyone beyond freshmen).

OP, if she's this immature and you're this skeptical, and neither side can have a real discussion, you need to do as others have noted and tell her what minimum GPA is acceptable; how long she gets to reach that GPA; what happens if she slips below it.

I myself would not do anything other than set the minimum GPA and the consequence for a slip. And tell her that the privilege isn't the apartment but the tuition and if she demonstrates lack of interest in doing her job (school) she will lose that job and have to move home and work full-time while going to community college. Period. And she needs to believe you will follow through and reel her in.

It's probably too late now to get her into campus housing this fall anyway, isn't it?

It's sad that you feel there's no point in having an adult conversation with a college age child. One thing to note--be 100 percent certain that the academic problem is only that, academic, and that there is not something else going on like mental health issues or a relationship you don't know about that is either distracting her or causing her distress. If she would "say what you want to hear" about grades, she may also be a person who would hide problems from you. Maybe you have solid reason to assume her problem really is too much "fun and freedom" and living off campus. But if you're assuming that and she was previously a better student--I'd wonder if more is going on than just off-campus fun. [/quote]

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