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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We’ve known each other since we were kids but we were more like friendly acquaintances throughout school. When I came back home from college, we ran into each other and he asked me out. It’s honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in.  Even though I know we are in a committed and respectful relationship it’s been bothering me that he looks at other women when we’re out. I get it, most guys look at other attractive women and studies say that they can’t “help it” but it’s starting to actually bug me. I’ve always been a confident person but when he does this it makes me feel insecure. I’m not sure if he thinks he’s sly and that I don’t notice (or maybe doesn’t care if I know) but I do. Last weekend we went on our first real vacation together and while walking through an aquarium he made a comment about a women’s boobs that walked past us but I hadn’t even noticed her. When I called him out on the comment he said that although he’s committed to me, “if it’s right in front of me I’m going to look.” Now, I see him doing this at most places we go. Another example is he kept looking behind him at this woman at Starbucks, then after he knows I’ve noticed he’ll try to get close to me and put his arm around me, which makes me feel weird. I don’t want to bring it up to him because [b]I don’t want to come across as the extremely insecure girlfriend. I feel like I’m crazy for letting this bother me but it is.[/b] Is this a red flag or is it normal and I should let it go? [/quote]So you feel crazy about this?  But the problem is [i]you[/i]? Seems like he's got you trained really well to take all the responsibility for something he actually does.  Sorry, OP, this in and of itself would not be a dealbreaker....[i]except that it makes you feel crazy![/i]  And feeling crazy is the dealbreaker.  Maybe it wouldn't bother another woman.  But you're not another woman.  You're you.  Even if he is a perfect partner who will never stray - how much time do you have to waste feeling crazy because you can never be sure?

So sorry, but this is a big red flag.  I know this is the best relationship you have ever had but, not trying to be patronizing here, you're still quite young and people change a lot in their 20s.  My guess is that you can break up with him and there will be other good relationships out there. Good luck to you.[/quote]

I wasted so much of my 20's trying not to be "crazy". Turns out, it was their behavior that made me crazy. Not saying I don't have issues. But the good guys and certainly DH, accepted me and my issues and behaved in honorable, respectful ways that didn't (rightfully) cause the "crazies". If you play the push-pull game, or leer at women or gaslight me, of course I'm going to be insecure and a little crazy. So what I learned it, if I started to feel like "I'm crazy", I knew that wasn't the right guy for me. Good bye!

And the guy that leered at women in front of me--super, super insecure and trying to make me jealous so I would prove to him that he was worthy and I really liked him. It backfired on him, because I didn't get jealous. I would just tell him he was being a jerk. So it made him leer even more. Ugh...why did I stay with him for so long...[/quote]

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