Reply to If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?

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Reply to "If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH lied to me. I never had proof positive nor did I sleuth like a PI, because I didn't want that kind of life. I caught him in it, we went to counseling, he had a 2nd round of lying. I stayed for my kids at first and gave myself the freedom to not get over it. I didn't forgive him for probably 2 years or more. But I have now. Only you can tell if he is a) remorseful and b) if your marriage had underlying issues that you need to resolve. Maybe those issues led to the (not appropriate, but perhaps forgivable) transgressions. DCUM crowd & wider culture doesn't support this type of forgiveness & will paint you as a doormat, your DH as a cheater for life. It's not their marriage. Only yours. I literally think of my forgiveness of my DH as something that is close to miraculous that I am grateful for. It took a really, really long time. I agree with PP who suggested baths, music, flowers, wine, whatever you need to take care of your needs. Make your DH step up more with your children so you get time for self-preservation/self-care. My therapist says that culturally we get this message that no one reconciles after affairs but that in her experience that's not the case behind closed doors. She says those shouting the loudest have usually not been in this situation. Hugs to you, OP.[/quote]

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