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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My relationship with my Parents has always been very strong. My Mother sat me down and talked to me growing up about how my sister needed more attention. This kind of thing wasn’t recognized then, of course. As we got older, my Mom ensured I didn’t lend my sister money or let her take advantage of me. My Mom chose her a lot, thinking she just needed more love and assurance, but when it came down to important things she would see the irrational behavior or flattery directed to manipulate me, and she would make sure to get herself in the middle and stop it. Even when she hadn’t accepted this, part of her knew because she protected me even when she didn’t protect herself.

For a long time I thought my sister was favored. Maybe she was, because she was so clever and charming, but I have always known that my family was doing their best. She used my Mother’s love as a tool to get what she wanted. I do think I’m damaged by my sister in a profound way, but no more so than anyone else is damaged. I don’t feel abused.

My best advice: Don’t make excuses to your other child for the behavior. Listen and reassure them. Make sure they don’t let themselves get sucked in. Ensure they don’t lend their sibling any money. That’s important. Also, don’t lean too much on the other child for support. Don’t make them feel that it’s their job to care for the one with BPD. Allow them to go their own path without guilt.

I know that you love both of your children. It’s a nightmare to be unable to trust one of them. [/quote]

Thank you.  This is helpful.  I am newly aware not to lean on her or discuss these issues too much.  She knows the basics and sees a therapist here or there.  I use the mantra “we are not responsible for x’s feelings” all the time.  At least recently.  For years, I would respond to him very emotionally.  Didn’t help anyone. [/quote]

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