Reply to Anyone divorce over the house being a disaster?

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Reply to "Anyone divorce over the house being a disaster?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my husband does pretty much all of this, minus the video games. He is absent minded, sloppy, forgetful, etc. we both work, though my hours are longer, and I maintain anything to do with money. I spent a couple of years in a constant state of rage and resentment. Then, I dunno, a couple things clicked.

1) our kids are elementary school now, so I sleep more
2) I do more cleaning, all the time, but I also just ignore some things. His car is a disaster but I do not use it. His bureau is a disaster, etc. but I ignore it. 
3) around the house: we have an after-school sitter/nanny that I've hired on additional hours to do some tasks like laundry, dishes, etc so that I am not spending all my time cleaning and caring for house. 
4). I make DH do a lot of other things that do not require organizatinon. All the grocery shopping, errands,s doctors appts with kids, etc. 
5) yes, there are a ton of times when I get really frustrated--he forgets appointments, cant find things, etc. When it affects me or the kids I step in. When it affects him I rarely do (though I will help him find things if its easy, like I know exactly where his keys are but I am not going to drive myself crazy trying to find something he lost).
6) I devote a few hours a week to organizing, usually Sundays. He takes the kids out and does errands while I do this.
7) I remind myself of the fact that despite these flaws, he is a good husband and father.  trustworthy, would not grumble at going to cvs at 3 am if I needed something, values me and my work.
8) I had to stop looking at his sloppiness as a moral failing or a reflection of lack of care for me and look at it as a personality flaw, as HIS problem. I still give myself permission to get angry or frustrated if he really effs up, but most of the time I have accepted it as annoying, even disappinting, but dont get caught up in cycles of resentment, blame. It helps that DH acknowledges he has these issues. He didn't at first, but now that he does, it helps. He tries to make up for it in different ways and balance things out.

I dont have a perfect solution, of course. But I also know that if we were to separate, I would still have to manage so much, and things would be more chaotic, because not under my direct control.  [/quote]

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