Reply to Anyone divorce over the house being a disaster?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is it that you need to be able to find? Mail and financial stuff? Can you just be the one in charge of that and not give it to him unless it is his only, or maybe make copies of whatever he needs to see but keep the originals and file everything in a file?

I realize you shouldn't have to do that, but I'm thinking then you could just throw all his mess in his designated room without worrying whether you need any of it.[/quote]

That’s part of it, but not all.  Yesterday morning kind of typified what it’s like.  I needed to charge my phone but didn’t have a charger because DH had taken mine to work with him on Friday to charge his iPad (he has an android phone, so his charger doesn’t help me) and left it there.  So I had to head to Target for a new one, and asked DH to please help the kids find all of their soccer stuff before their mid-morning games.  I come back to the the kids fighting over a soccer stuff because they can only find three socks between them, and DH is playing video games.  I help the, search the house, no socks.  So it occurs to me to check the cars.  None in mine, because we’re supposed to be working with the kids on keeping track of their things during transitions, which they both struggle with, and I make sure they check they’ve taken everything out of the back seat whenever we get home.  Check Dh’s car and find five socks balled up under the seats, because he does not bother working with the kids on transitions even though the ADHD therapist specifically talked to us about doing so.  And then after soccer I set about cleaning the house, picking up all of the garbage he’d left around, vacuuming out all of the food crumbs he’d spilled into couch cushions, mopping the kitchen floor from where he’d dropped jam on it and didn’t bother to clean it up.  While he watched reruns of Bering Sea Gold.[/quote]

Do you really think it would be easier if he had the kids 1/2 the time and nothing went well while they were with him? It might be easier to ask him to do nothing but bring home a paycheck, and don't loan him anything of yours--make him stop by target on the way to work instead.[/quote]

It would be harder when they were with him, but right now it’s 100% chaos.  If we split, either he’d finally get his act together when he didn’t have anyone covering for his screw-ups, or he’d keep acting the way he does now and then yes, it would be challenging for the kids when they were at his house, but at least when they were at my house they’d have the calm and structure they need.  If would do literally nothing but bring home a paycheck and I didn’t have to clean up the messes he leaves everywhere, that would be easier than the current situation.

As for not loaning him things, I didn’t loan him the charger.  He went into my nightstand and took it.  When you’re responsible about putting your own shit away properly, the downside is that other people know where to find it when they want to take it from you without asking. It’s like a need a freaking combination safe in my closet to keep him from making chaos of my stuff too.  And as for the Target run, his solution was that he’d do it on his way home from work on Monday, which wouldn’t help me for three days with a dead cell phone.[/quote]

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