Reply to Tweens dropping one friend from the group

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Tweens dropping one friend from the group"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why the gender secrecy?

Ask your son or daughter if he/she has issues with the excluded kid. That should be a good indicator of the direction you (and DC) should take.

If your kid doesn’t have a problem with the excluded kid, this could be a teachable moment about going along with the pack vs individual opinion. I’m not saying you should tell your kid to take the moral high ground at the risk of social ostracism, but it could be a good conversation starter.

If your kid still likes the excluded kid, maybe suggest he/she make plans just the 2 of them.

If it turns out there are reasons the group is distancing themselves from the other kid, have a conversation about diplomacy and being sensitive to other people’s feelings (even when that person is being crappy).

Either way, I think being totally hands-off isn’t the answer. [b]You don’t have to helicopter, but you can guide your kid to be socially sensitive.[/b] Have a dialogue about handling difficult people, or how to tactfully distance yourself from difficult people (even adults have to deal with this). Or, if it’s a mean girl (boy) situation, have a dialogue about social pressure and the whole queen bee thing, and standing up when your friends aren’t being decent. [/quote]

This.  I wouldn't get involved directly, but I would absolutely talk to my kid.  Why are they excluding this person?  Does she agree with others that the person should be excluded, or is she just going along?  Does she like this person?  How does she feel when she lies to this person?  How would she feel if she were on the receiving end of the lies and exclusion?  Is she proud of her behavior?

If the person is being dropped because they are mean, that's one thing.  If they are being dropped for not being cool enough, that's quite another.  This is a chance to articulate your values to your kid.  She doesn't have to be best friends with the target, but she ought to think hard about whether what she is doing is kind, is fair, and is reflective of the kind of person she wants to be.  [/quote]

If you are very lucky, your child will tell you why the other child is being avoided. However, my child who normally tells me everything freaking  came out of the closet as a lesbian six months before I learned that the excluded friend was cyberbullying my child and other girls. It was excruciating for her to talk about how she felt about the former friend. The friend was very popular with adults and had a lot of admirers among less popular kids. She didn’t bully these kids, only her own inner circle with helpful texts about their weight, clothing, hair, whose parents should get rid of their old car, whose parents were cool and let you watch R movies. The kids were terrified to challenge her or to ask an adult for help. My daughter was also worried that the adults would try to fix things and she would be forced to forgive the other girl, then be trapped with a fake friend. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics