Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous]Keep what she says to yourself. I’m Korean-American married to the same. I actually think DH not paying was a dick move in terms of dynamics in a typical KA household where the MIL is a first generation immigrant who still retains Old World values. I totally understand why your mom is upset. It feels disrespectful to her. It’s not a matter of the amount of $, but the signaling that she wasn’t family enough (her perception).

Having said that (meaning while I understand your mom), her saying stuff to your child should be cut off. She is free to think it, it might be a fair complaint, but a child should not be hearing that.

Also I think that there is no benefit to letting your DH know the negative stuff your mom says or the attitude from your own mom. It just makes him like your mom less, makes him tired. Unless you think he’ll change based on your mom’s input (unlikely), you have to protect your DH from your mom’s complaints and protect your mom from any complaints DH might be saying about her caring for your child.

If I were you, I’d confess that you are having some marital difficulties, but that you are working to stay together and that it would help not to hear bad stuff about DH from your Mom. That should shock her into silence. Speaking just from my experience, when it comes to first generation Korean women, they still carry the traditional view that divorce is a disgrace, something to avoid at all possible or something to avoid even at a high cost. It’s still a pretty big stigma. [/quote]

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