Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, this is not about money at all. Yes, she provided free childcare labor for some time, but we started giving her money monthly so she can have her own money to use. We tried several daycare places before. It just didn't work out. My toddler could not adjust and I was told maybe I should wait until she's a little older to try again. That is why we had to ask for her help again. She has her own home in another state. My DD is 19 months now, so we will start her at a preschool at 2 years old, hopefully by that time her separation anxiety is a lot better. My mom is doing us a huge favor right now. So people telling me to kick her out is not the solution, when we are the one that need her help. I guess i'm seeking for advice on what I can do internally to ignore her comments and not let it get to me. I know that she's not going to change. My husband is not aware of any of this, so it's not affecting him.[/quote]

You believe you "need her help."

Take the money you give mom, put it toward child care and and send her to HER home, or you are choosing her over your marriage. Why do you believe she is a necessity rather than a convenience in this scenario? You can afford child care but say your child won't take to it. Many kids have some separation anxiety and DO have to go to child care. You did a lot of changing child care around -- did you try any one place long enough for your kid to get past the initial tears or did you just keep moving on, until you hit the "out" of being told to wait?

If you wait for that magical two year old preschool to solve all this, well, what if your child doesn't like that either? Will mom stay then? Can your marriage last until DC is two, or five years old and in kindergarten--?

Get a nanny, or bite the bullet, read up on handling transitions to day care, and send mom home.

Your husband may not know how much mom is poisoning your feelings toward him but YOU know it. That alone is reason to end the caregiver role for mom. She will guilt you over this and probably end up going nuclear on your husband with all the negative comments and he'll realize she's been feeding you these things all along. But truly you need to see that "let's wait unti preschool and that will fix it" is not a plan. Neither is " mom won't change but tell me how to make her change just for a while."
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