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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Re: "refusing to date women who don't meet their own standards of attractiveness."

My son is 15 and I was just thinking about whether/how to talk to him about "leagues." I know I should tell him generally that he should be looking for someone who enjoys his attention. But, should I suggest to him that physical attractiveness generally sets the boundaries of who is going to be interested and who is not?

Ideally, looks are just one factor among many. In practice (and with some exceptions), I think physical appearance is the primary filter with other qualities nudging that up or down a few notches. [/quote]

I don’t think you talk to him about “leagues”. Because a woman in his league can still reject him. I think you talk about taking risks knowing that he could be rejected. But it’s better to try and fail than never trying. Teach him how to deal with rejection. The sting, the emotions, the hit to self-esteem but that he will survive. And that sometimes you get rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with you. The other person has their own preferences and baggage too. [/quote]

I think it's wrong to teach a kid about "leagues" because that isn't the issue.  People don't reject each other because a person is not in "their league" but rather because there is not attraction -- which happens for a whole host of reasons that are uncontrollable on both the "asker" and the "askee"s side.  I tried to explain to my kids that we each have certain type or types that we find sexually attractive -- sporty or not, blue v. brown eyes, blond v. brunette or redhead, quiet v. talkative, introvert/extrovert.  Your computer/brain is analyzing a whole package of traits on a subconscious level that you don't even realize is going on. And, then pile on timing -- whether the person even wants to date or explore sexually, etc. Kids need to reconceptualize "rejection" as "we are not a good fit," and look for a better fit.   It's not about the other person rejecting you; it's about not being a match and moving on to find someone who is a match.  Grown ups need to learn this too, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. [/quote]

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