Reply to accepting that sister doesn't like me and we will never be a "family"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP My older sister is considering "moving back" and I feel like she has expectations similar to yours, and has this longing to "be a family again." I remind her to please be realistic of her expectations. And I think she has a lot of unresolved issues in her life that she thinks will be fixed by relocating and "going back to family."

I'm not going to want to hang out with her all the time. I'm not going to drive 45+ minutes in 3pm traffic to pick up my 12 year old niece because you have to work late. I don't want you to join my friends circle, but I will support and encourage you to get out there and find your own circle.

We've all grown and evolved in our own ways, and developed our own identities and needs. It doesn't mean my sister (or your sister, OP) are bad people - but you cannot expect her to fulfill what's missing in your life (sense of belonging, an idyllic sibling relationship where you're besties). What's missing from your life is *not* her responsibility - it's yours. It is an unfair burden to place your expectations on someone else.

Cultivate your own life - you'll probably still see each other sometimes, but on a less dependent basis. 
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Pp, do your older sister a favor and tell her these specific things BEFORE she moves close to you.[/quote]

I have told her to be realistic about her expectations (and traffic!), but the specifics are my own examples of some things I think she thinks. I'm not a mind reader. She's an adult. If she has expectations from other people, she needs to articulate them. Adults don't assume other adults will just fulfill what's lacking in their lives (actual, real emergencies are different, of course).
[/quote]

Wow, you suck.

I'm so lucky in that my sisters are kind and thoughtful and will help me out if I have to work late, because it's what family does. [/quote]

[b]Wow, your sisters live 20 miles down 66 and will pay a $20 toll at rush hour, and drop everything for that? Your sisters are saint[/b]s![/quote]

If I needed it? Yes. We'd do that for friends, not just each other. But we were raised to take care of each other. Would they like it if I was constantly running late and they had to constantly do that? Hell no. But will they do it if I needed it? Yes. Yes, they will. I'm conscious of their kindness and never exploit it, but I also step in and help anyway I can because it's what sisters do. [/quote]

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