Reply to S/O The obsession with class/tackiness/social standing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP here.  This doesn't really explain *why* you are concerned about your "social class."  You are educated and wealthy- what is missing from your life?  Are you ever in some social situation where you don't fit in despite having money and an education?[/quote]
NP here. But this question suggests to me that you must not be close to many people who grew up very differently than you did. My parents are immigrants who did well in the US as educated professionals. I grew up UMC/rich, and DH and I are now UMC/rich. Though his family has been in the US for generations (Mayflower on one side), there are similarities in our upbringings. He is also UMC, but his parents' income was lower and they have lower NW today.

DH and I are in fields (STEM PhD) that tend to be attainable to a broader set of SES backgrounds than the professions most UMC professionals work in (e.g. law, medicine). I've sat in professional trainings where people were taught which forks to use, how to introduce themselves at networking events, how to assess whether your "business casual" outfit is actually "business" or just "casual". The first time I encountered this kind of training, I thought it was so strange. All of this was stuff I was just expected to know by a pretty young age. But for many others, this was the first time someone had sat down to explain this stuff to them (though most of them had already picked up its importance). Pretending like these class differences don't exist and that they don't impact someone's career and social standing ultimately hurts people who did not grow up learning them.[/quote]

OP here.  My parents were immigrants and I think you are confusing the ability to pick up social cues with some sort of class difference.  Introducing yourself at a network event is hard for many people because it can be awkward, not because they missed out on some sort of prior experience.  Most people can figure out what "business casual" means or, worst case scenario, google it.  The trainings you are talking about sound like they are for people who are awkward, not of a lower socioeconomic class.[/quote]
I totally disagree. I grew up with plenty of awkward people in my mostly non-immigrant community. We were still all taught these things in the course of growing up. Many people are not taught these things because of class differences, and it can be overwhelming to figure it out. Certainly, there are some people who are extremely adept at figuring these things out without instruction. But you don't have to be particularly awkward to benefit from some coaching in these areas. I know plenty of people who are in no way awkward, but also just never learned subtle things like the way hierarchy impacts how you make introductions at a networking event. I grew up absorbing those things to the point where I don't even think about them. But as I've interacted more and more with people who did not grow up like me and had them tell me what was hard, I've come to appreciate that these are class advantages I didn't even know I had.[/quote]

I disagree, too. If you read Hillbilly Elegy, the author, J. D. Vance, talks about how he showed up to his first job interview in his army fatigues. He had never worn a suit and didn’t get that it would be necessary. Nor did he get the job. Granted, his mom was an addict, but still. He ended up going to Yale Law School, but he writes about how he had to learn all the cultural capital others took for granted.

A few years ago I went to a business dinner at a museum and sat at the table with the event’s host and some others. I remember the host closely watching one poor young guy as he paved his whole roll with butter. Ugh, yes, to this host. But also, if these things matter to some people (like good grammar and knowing when it’s ok to use bad grammar), then it helps to know them yourself. I’m guessing some ops here want to avoid making avoidable mistakes in front of business associates or friends who matter. [/quote]

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