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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dad was a public school teacher and expected to put in a lot of extra-curricular time. [/quote]

This is my husband too.  After 18 years we just deal with it.[b]  At times our kids felt like the work kids come first. [/b] Dh had to pull back on the volunteer hours at that point.  His own kids need him, too.

[/quote]

As an educator, I think that this is part of the problem.

I grew up with a parent who worked long hours for the state department.  I missed my dad, I wished he was home, but I didn't feel like he was "choosing trade agreements over me", or that "American economic security came first."  I just thought "my dad is so important he has to work long hours." or "Dad's boss is so mean, he makes him work long hours."

But when a teacher or administrator is putting in long hours, and their kids miss them, they're also dealing with the fact that they're imagining their parent being with other kids.  Telling your kid you can't walk them to the first day of Kindergarten, because you need to be greeting kids in your classroom, or not coming to your kid's soccer game because you're coaching other kids feels different to the kids.  In addition, there is this societal message that teachers don't really have an important job, or that they don't really have a lot of work to do, that gives your kid the idea that you're choosing to leave them, as opposed to "having to leave them" for the job.

The reality is that what OP is describing is the job of an administrator.  Being there for evening events, stepping in when there's a gap, reviewing data on your hours since your day is taken up with operations, that's the job.  And in smaller private schools, coaching can be a part of the job too.

So, the way I see it, there's three issues here.

One is that OP's husband has a really demanding job, time wise, that only pays 70K, and she resents that.  That's understandable, although not necessarily easily fixed.  People here talk like jumping to public is the answer, but school systems often prefer new hires due to salary scales, and it might also involve extra grad school classes.  Plus learning a new curriculum means that the first year in public would likely have even understandable hours.

The other issue is that OP's husband is in a field that doesn't get a lot of respect, so people assume that what he's doing isn't important, and he should just do it less.  Strangely, I think that the same people would have a fit if they put in a call to their administrator and didn't get a call back; or if their kid's classroom didn't have a sub; or if their school cut a sport their kid loved; or if the kid bullying theirs didn't get a consequences because there was no one to do Saturday detention.

The third issue is that the kids feel hurt because having your dad be with other kids when you wish he was with you is hard.  [/quote]

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