Reply to Issues to consider when inviting very ill FIL and wife to live in our home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is the plan for MIL once FIL passes?

I would help them.  I'm currently in a similar situation and am having my parents move in.  My mother will live by herself if my father passes, though, and then my siblings will help her if needed later.  I'm pretty sure I'd make the same decisions even if I knew taking mom in now meant I'd have her forever, but I'm not totally sure.[/quote]

Step MIL is only 55 and able-bodied. She can't work however because FIL's needs are so great. So, we would have to assume (state clearly) that she would move out upon his passing. He may live for 10 years - we don't know! He is physically well enough, despite his many, many issues, to live for a while. His brain, however, isn't working well.

[b]She would have to care for him. We are not volunteering to care for him. [/b]Our house is a place to live. But, I know the lines would get blurry, and that's part of what concerns me.[/quote]

[b]This is not realistic...[/b]

I bet MIL is already exhausted from caring for him alone. What happens in 5 years when he needs diapers... and help bathing... and also wanders around the house at night potentially getting hurt or turning on the stove and forgetting? Who’s going to drive FIL to appointments?

What’s the plan if MIL gets sick? I’m not even talking a major medical issue - what if she has the flu? Is she still going to be the only one changing diapers, bathing and babysitting FIL? What if MIL breaks a leg or arm? That’s at least 2 months where all his caretaking falls on you. What if she has to go out of town for a wedding/funeral/whatever? What if she has to go to a doctors appointment?

There’s about zero chance that you and DH don’t end up being directly involved in his care. You need to come to terms with this before you invite them to live with you. [/quote]

I agree with this.  I understand your instinct, op.  My parents had elderly relations live with us when I was a kid.  One of my life's regrets is that we didn't get to have my dad live with us - he died unexpectedly before we had reached that point with him.   I get why you might want to do this.  But I don't think it makes sense given the circumstances.   As a pp said above, he needs care, not a room.   It would be different if he were just generally infirm and needed a small bit of help.  He needs more than you can provide, and it's not realistic to think that MIL will care for him 24/7 while living in your home.  It's just not.  [/quote]

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