Reply to Issues to consider when inviting very ill FIL and wife to live in our home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]My FIL is very ill (currently in the ICU and has been for 2+ weeks) yet he is recovering and is now physically stable. He is not with it mentally. He has Parkinson's, dimentia, and a whole host of other issues. He is on dialysis. [/b]He and my step MIL are broke. At this point, the choices are that he returns home with step MIL, who can barely care for him bc his needs are so very great. Or, he can go and live in a sub-par nursing home because they have no money. He is not with it, suffers from hallucinations, delirium, etc. Again, his needs are immense.

In the back of my mind, I feel like we should offer our home to them. I don't want to. We have 3 kids 6 and under, and we both work full-time from home. But - they are poor. And their needs are great. And should he go into a nursing facility, he will just exist and not live. Living with his grandkids could benefit him. I don't want to live with my MIL. They'd have to share a bathroom with my children (how the house is arranged). I worry about pills everywhere and the impact of living with a chronically ill person and my MIL.

But. They are in need. And we have a good house for a disabled person. I am torn between being a good human being and choosing the easy path.

For those of you facing this, how have you made this decision? [/quote]

Caring for him at home sounds like a horrible idea for you and for your MIL. There's just no way around it. It sounds like he needs to go to a nursing home.

My question regarding the bolded: Is he a candidate for hospice or palliative care? Because it sounds like he's in pretty bad shape, and if he's not mentally there, focusing on palliative care versus treatment and dialysis might be a better option all around. [/quote]

Thanks for the help. Isn't hospice for the dying? He isn't dying at this point, honestly. He is existing but just with a ton of issues. Would hospice take him without a terminal diagnosis?[/quote]

Hospice care is usually predicated on the idea of life expectancy of six months or less, though it can be extended if the person lives longer than six months.

Hospice wouldn't cover all the necessary care-gving, but would provide regular visits and an approach focused on comfort and quality of life.

One question worth asking: Is regular dialysis worth it for someone with dementia? Is it prolonging enjoyment of life or prolonging suffering? Maybe it's not worth it anymore, even if it shortens life. Those are the kinds of questions to be asking your FIL's doctors. [/quote]

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