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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He likely could be diagnosed, but it's not your job to diagnose him or push him to seek one.  Please realize, though, that if you go back to work this arrangement you currently have will fall apart.  I strongly recommend marriage counseling, probably just in general and definitely to discuss division of labor if you go back to work.  For example, you need to agree on a couple what activities the kids will do, what housework is important and who does it, etc.  You are a team, and if he wants to scale back his financial contribution -- which is totally reasonable -- that needs to be part of a team effort in which he steps up in other areas.  He doesn't just scale back his work and garden while you do everything around the house.

I am married to someone who is similar in some ways, likely diagnosable but generally presents as a man-child.  Marriage counseling helped.  Good luck.[/quote]

Like I said, the biggest problem is that he doesn’t recognize he has a problem. I’ve brought up marriage counseling multiple times, and he has shot that down each time.  I can’t win any argument and for my own sanity’s sake, I have stopped trying. Our marriage saver was when I stopped working and took over the household/childcare realm.  In his defense, he is not a complete man child as he makes a good salary, and he is handy, takes out the trash, plays with the kids.

But yeah. Your point is well taken that if I go back to work full time, it will all fall apart. He knows it on some level, because he doesn’t want me to go back to work. But I think it also stresses him out to be the sole financial provider, and to feel stuck doing something he dislikes for such a big part of his life.[/quote]

This doesn't belong in Jobs and Careers - it belongs in Relationships.  Jesus Christ lady - you are enabling the crap out of this man child.  STOP IT.

If he is truly so devoid of common sense that he can't function to do laundry or exercise basic hygiene in the kitchen, then perhaps he can bring home a big salary so that you can outsource as need be.

There is no way in the world I would agree to let him take his foot off the gas.  You have done absolutely everything in this relationship and marriage. He must have some A+ qualities for you to put up with this.  You can't win any argument so for your sanity's sake you've stopped trying?!

+1000 with those who have suggested a financial advisor.  The fact that you are paying off the mortgage before the student loans is a headscratcher.  Unless you guys are making money hand over fist I am little mystified as to how you plan for both of you to scale back at work, pay for health insurance, college, and finance retirement.

Kudos to you for being happy.  I don't know if I could deal with this.[/quote]

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