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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there is a difference between “abuse” and “being cruel/crude/whatever.” Abuse indicates a pattern of controlling behavior. People can say mean things without rising to the level of “being abusive.”

Unless we are classifying every time one partner loses their temper, raises their voice or uses profanity as being abusers which I think minimizes more egregious behavior.[/quote]

+1. My husband called me a "bitch" once in nearly 8 years of marriage. He is usually very kind, calm, considerate, patient and measured. I'm not going to look at that one moment in 10+ years of being together as "abusive." He was in a sleep-deprived, baby-and-a-toddler state, and I'm not going to pretend like he's was "abusive" in that moment.

Was that OK? No. Were there extenuating circumstances? Yes. [/quote]

It was still verbally abusive. Why call it something else?[/quote]

Because it was a bad moment. It wasn't a pattern. It wasn't habitual. What it was was an inappropriately strong reaction.

It was a word. Not a pattern, not a slap, not months of gaslighting; it was a WORD.[/quote]

It was abusive behavior. It's not that complicated. Are you in an abusive relationship, no. But his behavior was abusive. [/quote]

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