Reply to Do you rely on your DH for emotional support?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, and actually our relationship got better when I dropped all expectations. I had two really bad situations come up - death of parent, estrangement from sibling - and he was so piss poor in even just acknowledging the pain I was in that it was sort of a joke. Not only did he not acknowledge it, he made it worse by piling on. Now I know not to expect jack from him in that regard, and I go to other people for support. I love him for other reasons that don't involve that. (And no, not his money for any troll who thinks that's the reason. I out-earn him.)[/quote]

Op here - real question - what are those other reasons?  What is the glue of your marriage?  Because in my marriage, the lack of support is a huge gaping hole, and there are not many other things that compensate for that lack [/quote]

He's a genuinely nice person but like other PPs have said, he lacks the ability to do this. I mean, I just look at his parents and I wonder how he turned out normal in any capacity. These people are pretty devoid of compassion or empathy. So it's a skill he flat out never learned and I think it just makes him feel utterly anxious and out of control when he thinks I might be crumbling and he doesn't know what to do. But to answer your question - he brings levity to life, he's a good dad, he keeps the fun in our lives when I might be more serious, he plans awesome vacations, we love to just hang out on the regular, he takes pride in building our lives together, that kind of stuff. It's not that I never bring up anything difficult. I will let him know, for example, that I'm dissatisfied at work, struggling with xyz... But I make it pretty clear I'm handling it. And by handling it I usually mean relying on other people whom I'm very to to help me out and be a sounding board. It's sort of unfortunate that "you knew this when you married him" axiom doesn't really apply here, you know? You can't really know how someone is going to act in a genuine crisis or emergency or meltdown until it happens. With him, it became clear he's not going to be my go-to.  I actually feel bad for him that he was raised in such a way that devalued this skill so much. [/quote]

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