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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d be more concerned with ensuring her self-esteem stays high than worrying about reacting to him.  All the smart comebacks don’t change teh fact that it likely still eats her up inside.  Focus on her understanding this is a tiny blip of time and in a few short months her body will change again -for the better!  Agree with PP that focusing on the fact it’s a lazy insult that needs to be ignored in her head.[/quote].

This poster is closest. 14 is either 8th or 9th usually. If MS, it might be appropriate to talk to the counselor.  In HS, she needs to be self advocating. There are assholes everywhere and she needs to learn to deal with them.  Without getting in the gutter too.

I also have a 14 year old DD.  HS freshman, not MS.  And she is amazing at dealing with this type of thing.  She stands her ground, holds eye contact, rolls her eyes slightly, and says “And?” Is a tone that says “what is your point and why are you wasting my time?”  And if something else is said, she will look slightly more impatient and repeat the And?  Until the person slinks away. It’s a skill honed by years of having a big brother who has a foot and 40 pounds on her.  But, as someone who has been on the receiving end of her Ands? I can assure you it works.

Anyway, that’s how my DD deals with bullying. Your DD needs to find her own response that she feels comfortable with. But, you need to think bigger than this one bully. 14 can be a tough age for girls. She needs all the self esteem she can get.  If she feels good about herself and confident, then the bully loses his power and moves on.  And on a bigger scale, she needs to have a toolbox for dealing with criticism— fair and unfair— in life.  Everyone has a mean boss or asshole spouse or an obnoxious co-worker or a 16 year old know it all in their life at any given time. Learning to take the constructive pieces of criticism and ignore the rest or respond appropriately is a life skill. Especially for women. Maybe a family therapist can help you and her figure out how to do this in a way she is comfortable with. [/quote]

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