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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "what does it feel like to want to have kids?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm female [b](I think that makes a difference) [/b]and have one kid. [/quote] I don't. I just think that more women feel the urge than men. And perhaps they have a desire to be pregnant vs just to have children. But I think the biological imperative is there, to procreate and have children. Obviously, I am a man. I have known since I was a child that I wanted to have children when I was an adult. My parents are naturalized Chinese Americans and perhaps it is something that is cultural, but I did not imagine I would go through life without children unless something went wrong with my life. As a teen, I babysat for many kids. When I was a young adult, I often bonded with friends' children. So much so that when my friends threw me a surprise 30th birthday party, they made sure to invite all of my friends with children. There is a great photo from the party where I am surrounded by about 14-15 children under about age 8 and I am having a great time with them. My party and despite having a ton of friends at the party, I still spent a significant chunk of my time with the kids. Unfortunately, my LTR in my 20s ended when I was 28. And I had no prospects for a few years. I actually considered a gestational surrogate and donor egg, but at the time, the costs were prohibitive for me. I met my wife until I was almost 34 but we didn't get married until I was 37. And my wife had some health issues we had to deal with. We started trying when I was 42 and the journey was long and hard and we finally had twins (with a lot of help) when I was age 46. I had many friends who were not at all surprised. I frequently heard from close friends that they couldn't imagine me without children. For me, it was a strong feeling that something was missing from my life. My life did not feel complete. I was satisfied with a career that I enjoyed, I had enough disposable income that allowed me to do many of the things that I wanted to do. But there was always something missing. I was so happy to meet my wife and she does complete me in many ways. But it wasn't enough. For me, it is similar to having a passion that calls to you, like art, music, dance, sport for some. There is a part of you that feels the call of the passion at all times and when you aren't encouraging your passion, it still pulls on you. When I was young, I did have a passion for music. I played music competitively and competed in national events. I played for 10 years. At the competition, I saw the difference between me and some of the others. The ones with the true passion, you could see that they almost glowed when they played. They reveled in the music and playing made them whole. I didn't have that much passion for music. It is very important, but I was able to give it up because I wanted to focus on other things in life. But there are some that cannot and that it fulfills them. That's similar to my feeling of parenting. It fulfills me and makes me feel whole. So while I didn't have the urge to have children per se, I did have a feeling that I was not complete and my life was not complete without children.[/quote]
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