Reply to what does it feel like to want to have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there’s a lot of great posts on here.

For me, I was always ambivalent about wanting (or not wanting) children. I met my partner at 28 and he was pretty clear about not wanting them. I figured it was fine... I mean, I never seemed to have that URGE, like “everyone else”. We had a really great life with our careers and dogs, and friends, and to be honest, it never felt empty for a moment.

The years went by, and usually at most, it was a tiny voice in th back of my head saying “what if”?

As my 40s approached, that voice got louder, and it literally felt like a physical ache at times. That being said, I never told my partner, as I already had known what I signed up for, and I accepted every sacrifice I had made. It doesn’t mean I didn’t curl up in a ball on the floor, bawling my eyes out in grief. For me, I didn’t know if I could choose the life I had/ wanted over the life I thought I wanted. It was a really weird time.

When HE approached me about kids, it was like a punch to the gut. I actually felt terror, even though I’d been feeling the same thing for so long.

We made a very conscious decision to become parents. I actually cried in fear when my HPT came back positive, because I still wasn’t sure, despite those nights wanting,  in a different kind of tears.

Our daughter is now 2. This will sound like the most cliché thing ever, but my life is changed. It’s not been easy, and I can’t say it’s always for the best. But I also would move heaven and Earth for her smile and a hug.

And for me... there is no need for “more”. I don’t want, I don’t miss, I don’t anything. It was the right decision, but it was still a weird one, in retrospect. Looking back, I’m still surprised by how strongLy my own attitude changed. 
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