Reply to My children (adopted) said that we weren't a real family

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[quote=Anonymous]Last two comments are delusional.

Using correct terms do not create a divide. I’m using “adoptee” and “adoptive  mom” because it’s relevant to this discussion; otherwise it’s mom and child.

OP, it’s best for your boys to talk about adoption regularly so they know know it’s positive and special, age appropriate of course. Adoptive moms with very young children listen up. It doesn’t matter why kids were adopted, please talk about to them from the very beginning and often. Be the one that gives your children the correct language to use when talking about adoption. Otherwise their classmates will.

OP, be positive regardless of the details of your boy’s story. You could start a conversation with their birth parents bringing them into the world and making it possible for them to join your family. Maybe light a candle for them each year. This act shows your boys it’s okay with you to think and talk about them.

OP, If you are feeling hurt ask yourself why. What do you think might happen if your boys talk about it? Do you think your mother/son bond changes? I promise it won’t.

OP, Don’t talk to ignorant parents in denial. Talk to adult adoptees. Spend a weekend hanging out on adult adoptee boards. There is so much research done on this topic. Go find it!

As one wise DCUM put it, “Personally, I don't view adoption as one family erasing another. Both families are real, and if relationships are possible, I think they can truly enrich everyone's lives. “

I’d like to add, regular conversations can enrich your bond with your adoptive children. If relationships are not possible, still talk about it! Adoption or not!

OP, you went to an online board for help. Where do your boys get to go for help? It’s needs to be you. You can do this! 
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