Reply to Divorce over chores and WOHM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  Regarding question about what other room(s) are not being used.  My response is long winded but the clutter and chaos can be pretty bad.

Can park in only one space out of two in garage. [b]The former nursery room is a staging room for next DIY bathroom renovation (finished one year before).[/b]  Living room has mirrors and paintings leaning in corner with[b] boxes of outgrown baby toys [/b](but I cleaned out this corner on Monday but added two glass-door cabinets for books; DH prefers empty corner). [b]Half of guest room used for toy storage and kids’ clothes.[/b]  Horizontal surfaces have clutter.  The dining room table usually has stacks of paper, work notes, items to return to store, bags of googly eyes and sequins for puppetmaking, etc. [b] I leave the “inert” clutter until the next party or big seasonal cleanup.[/b]  The house is clean and decorated when we have big parties, but it’s cluttered during the rest of the time. [b] Toys underfoot in master bedroom and den.[/b]  Clean laundry sits on sofa during the week until I fold it.  Hallways are clear of stuff and clutter, which allows robot vac to sweep.  Bathrooms are clean but lots of bath toys surrounding kids’ tub.  It’s definitely the volume and clutter.  Basement is a mini Costco with [b]floor-to-ceiling stuff: paper towels, boxes of diapers, extra hiking boots, place settings and serving sets, and toothpaste; boxes from move not yet unpacked; and next year’s Christmas presents (yes, already)[/b].

I thought this was mostly normal messiness (esp. laundry on sofa) for a family with two WOH spouses, little kids, and no cleaning service—but it sounds like many families do better on a daily basis.  People in our circle with neater houses have no (young) kids, a SAHM/D, neatnik spouse (WOHM/D) who cleans everything, and/or cleaning service.

Was open about clutter and habits during dating but the means and volume have increased.  I am using elfa, shelving and other storage solutions (color-coded bins for holiday decor in the basement) but DH minds the clutter (e.g., two Christmas trees).  I love a wall of books from floor to ceiling, but he just sees clutter and visual noise.  He likes a mostly empty space...imagine one book or item on each bookshelf.

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OP, this is too much. If your kids have so many clothes and toys that they cannot be put away in their rooms and toy boxes, get rid of some of it! Honestly, I am with your DH and I think you are seriously misrepresenting this as a "husband expects me to clean and won't help" issue. You have a problem. [/quote]

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