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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m really surprised at the people defending M. I thought we all had “that friend” when we were young. Guilt trips for doing anything with other kids, triangulating, manipulating, dishing out meanness while being hypersensitive to perceived slights. Maybe I’m over-identifying with OP’s daughter, but my best friend treated me like dirt within our little circle of friends. When we moved up to the next school where there was a bigger population, I made new friends. I didn’t mistreat her, I just wanted to be around people who were nice to me. I guess that’s called “exclusion” now. Cue screaming in my face, tearful calls from her mother to mine - a class-A manipulator. [/quote]

+1 - I was the PP that said I had known some "M's"[/quote]

Another +1

FWIW, I have a friend who just turned 50 last year, and she's STILL like that.  She has a lot of trouble with boundaries (setting them appropriately and respecting those set by others) and will act out and escalate when she feels people pulling away from her in any way.  In her case, it's co-dependent behavior, completely tied to her traumatic personal/family history, and something she's been working on forever in therapy.

I like and care about her, but I've had to pull back for periods over the years.  It feels horrible to be in a friendship with someone who is acting that way, and I've tried to be both clear and kind when telling her I feel overwhelmed and need some space.  I'm not sure she gets how I feel, but I've long gotten over any guilt about it.  This is the only way the friendship works for me, and if it doesn't work for her, she can say so and I will disengage.

[b]We each have a right to choose who we spend time with and how, and no one is obligated to spend time with a friend all the time (or include them in every other relationship in their life.)[/b]  Any friend who persists in arguing otherwise is not a friend worth keeping.

[/quote]

No one is saying you don't have a "right to choose who we spend time with." And nor are you obligated to invite her to everything.

However, there are a host of choices in between all or nothing. That's the problem here, imo. Invite her sometimes. Then, when M complains, at least you can say that you do invite her but sometimes I like to spend time with A and B alone. Or we had plans alone or whatever. Because, you know, that's what friends do.

M is acting like she is because she is sensing her exclusion. And she's right. [/quote]

OP’s dd does sometimes include M. It seemed pretty clear in the OP that sometimes she hangs out with M. It’s just not every time. So don’t act like you think it’s ok to ever not invite M, because the OP’s dd is doing what you’re suggesting and you’re still implying she’s a mean girl. [/quote]

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