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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this an AP that you claimed to love, had a deep emotional connection with, etc?  Or more of a FWB?

FWBs are easier.  I simpler told mine that while I loved the sex, I was getting scared about the impact on my family and I wanted to focus on being a good wife for a while.  He amicably agreed, and we went our separate ways.  We still work together and are cordial, even kind of friendly, after many years.  Every once in a while we exchange a glance and a wink, and it's just enough to remind me of what once was.  But he clearly has no expectations.  He's dated other women and appears to be serious with one now.

It's harder when real feelings are involved.  I told that guy the same thing.  He went a little obsessive, made a point of avoiding me so completely that others were starting to notice.  He eventually changed jobs - I don't think 100% because of me, but I have to believe I was a factor based on the deep conversation he used to tell me he was leaving town. I'm sorry for that, but he should have known that getting involved with a married women was not going to last!

Thankfully, none of them every tried to blow up my job or my marriage.  Choose wisely, avoid the crazies.  Keep the breakup plain, simple, "it's not you, it's me", and don't leave any doors open for hope of future rekindling.

(Don't bother lecturing.  I know I'm a skank.  I've been reformed for many, many years.  Just trying to give some practical advice from a BTDT).[/quote]

Op here. Thanks PP. I think I have more feelings for him than he has for me. I just can't predict how he will behave at work, will possibly completely ignore me and yes that will look a little strange.  [/quote]

Not the PP you're responding to.
The fact you work together is something most posters kept missing here. Your breaking off this FWB or affair or whatever is going to cause issues at work even if he's cool with it and any awkwardness is in your own head. It's still awkward at best and a potential job-killer or even a career-ended at worst. Does he have any say over your work assignments, work products, travel, promotion, evaluations, or can he just affect your ability to get things done? Do YOU have any say over HIS work etc.? Even if you are peers and think neither of you affects or evaluates or signs off on the other's work--can you really carry on in the same office as an ex-AP? And do so while "focusing on the marriage"?

The expression that comes up on DCUM  is "You don't [defecate] where you eat." A coworker affair is doing exactly that. I know that ship has sailed; and it's good that you want to end it and be faithful. But if you think you can do that while working with the AP (for whom you have feelings so it's not just about sex)--you're either naive or magically stronger than most anyone. Heed the PP above whose AP made things difficult and noticeable to others when he avoided her at work. This is going to show unless both he and you are stone cold at work. I'd be job-hunting to remove the temptation and start fresh to have a clean slate for my marriage work.[/quote]

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