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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife and I moved from the midwest to DC about 10 years ago. It was a work thing, but one of the hidden gems of the move was to put more distance between me/us and my immediate family. My kid brother is a self entitled a-hole. My mom is a judgmental narcissist. My dad has been dead for years. I’m no peach, but I know my issues and try to manage them to maximize the joy with  my wife and kids...and her family is really great. I’m very grateful for my wife’s family...supportive, loving and just very good people.

I’m fishing for ideas here on dealing with my mom and her constant undermining relative to what she does with my 5yo son. Grandma is in town for a few days to see the kids. I was out with my kid early today and he asked for some snack food at the store, I said no since I just bought snacks when my mom arrived two days ago. He took it in stride at the time and it was no big deal.

Fast forward [b]9 hours[/b], and my mom comes downstairs and announces that she’s leaving to run to the store to get ice cream (not the snack my kid wanted earlier). I walked over to her and [b]looked her in the eyes[/b] and told her about the store trip in the am with my son, and advised her not to buy the [b]specific snack[/b]. Once she left, I told my son that grandma was not going to buy the snack. My kid says “[b]i know dad, we already have snacks here[/b]”.

She comes back and says “i got the ice cream”. I’m fine with that. I take a look, my kid is excited. We hang out for 20 mins or so until I happen to walk back into the kitchen and see a bag of the exact snacks, that I told her not to buy, sitting on the counter.

[b]I go from relaxed to a race car in the red in a few seconds.[/b] I asked her why she bought the snacks, and with a straight face she tells me that she just decided to ignore me.  She says that she wasn’t even paying attention when I told her.

Before kids, my mom was a problem so this isn’t anything new. Since having kids, my wife and I have maintained geographical distance. We haven’t traveled back for the holidays since having our second kid.  My mom insists on seeing the kids on both of their birthdays (and xmas since we have not visited for the last 2 years).

Look, this isn’t really about snacks. It’s been about a hundred different things over the years.[b] And every time I get massively bent out of shape and she acts like it’s no big deal.[/b] It usually devolves into me setting more boundaries after yelling like an idiot when she acts like she runs the show.

The same stuff happened [b]last year and I told her that she would need to address what she’s been doing and work to resolve it with me before she could talk to the kids.[/b] She didn’t reach out until April.

What does a person do?  [b]Just totally cut ties? [/b] The undermining is so destructive to parenting and my kids are still young. I’m almost convinced that it’s more detrimental to have her in my kid’s lives from here on out. If not for the kids, I would have moved on years ago.

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you sound abusive. your son parroting back the line you wanted to hear is sad. seek help.[/quote]

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