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[quote=Anonymous]OP, what exactly is it that you want her to "get"? Is it that one day she'll need to work to cover these expenses? Or just to show a bit of gratitude? I'd focus on the outcome you'd like to get rather than some vague notion that she should just think the way you do.

If you're concerned that she won't be able to support her future lifestyle, then I agree with having her work for anything beyond a fixed set of basics (whatever you deem them to be). If it's about valuing money in the same way you do, then you should talk about the idea of how much something is worth, regardless of whether you can afford it (I'm guessing you are in the upper echelons of UMC and can afford most things). You should demonstrate making spending decisions based on whether the cost is reasonable...not whether you have enough money to pay for it. If it's about gratitude, well she's an adult and just tell her how you're feeling (but own your feelings instead of making it about her being ungrateful or selfish). If she's not a terrible human, she'll thank you.

FWIW, I grew up in the upper echelons of UMC going to private school all my life and having my parents fully fund HYPS undergrad. For as far back as I can remember, my parents always talked about whether things were worth the cost rather than what they could afford (though I'm sure that before my dad's practice took off there were things they didn't buy just because they couldn't afford them). They didn't require me to work for fun spending money in high school or college since they wanted me to focus on school...but they did give me fixed amounts of money for any "extras" (e.g. occasional dinners or movies out, clothes, etc), and I would never think to ask for more. I did have a job in college which I used for things like paying for a backpacking trip to Europe.

Even though there were wealthier kids than me in college, I knew I was very privileged and did my best not to take it for granted. After finishing school, I've always lived within my means (even when that meant long stretches of beans and rice). I've never asked for financial help since finishing school, though I have accepted upgrades to what I could afford on my own...and I do my best to show my appreciation since I know it's a gift, not an obligation from my parents. My point is, that you can teach your kids the value of money and the value of what you provide in many ways. It all comes down to what you want to teach, though.[/quote]

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