Reply to Brief (?) Emotional Affair

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Brief (?) Emotional Affair"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - they have each expressed attraction to each other.  It's now out there and it's hard to dial it back.

But you know what?  Your spouse can certainly tell this friend that boundaries were crossed, it was, and is, inappropriate and s/he needs to step back.  But the fact that your spouse refuses to do so is a major problem and a sign of disrespect to your and your marriage.[/quote]

This is OP. I do not know if my spouse has or has not said those things. All I know is that there is an unwillingness to tell the friend what was represented to me: that the feelings previously expressed are no more. (I have purposely not asked for the extent of those feelings (ie, mere physical attraction, love). I feel my spouse was simply neglected by me, lonely, and enjoyed having someone devote attention.)

I do wish my spouse would tell the friend all the things you outlined. If my trepidation continues, I am considereding making that request. However, we’ve had so many tears the last few weeks and I’m tired of being sad. I’m also exhausted from being suspicious and nervous.

Responding to others in this thread: even at the worst of times, our sex has been great and the best we’ve probably ever had, which masked for me how upset my spouse was with our relationship. 
[/quote]

OP, I agree with seeing a therapist/counselor together, because it's important that your spouse voice these feelings to the work colleague.  I had an emotional affair with a work colleague while married to my first husband.  It was a result of being ignored (although certainly not because he was working too hard!), and it felt good to have someone give a shit about me.  We didn't have kids and got divorced shortly thereafter because I realized I shouldn't be married to him.  My work colleague remained at work, and we flirted a bit for a while when I was single but then when I met my current husband and started dating I realized I needed to make clear that my relationship with my work colleague had to change.  I told him I was fully invested in my new relationship and that I didn't want to make the same mistake I had before.  We're still friends to this day because we somehow miraculously managed to get our relationship back on track to just being a friendship, but it was crucial that I tell him that things had changed.  Your spouse isn't with someone new - they're still with you, so it stands to reason that this work colleague assumes everything is the same.  Your spouse not being willing to voice that something has changed to the work colleague is a huge red flag.  It means they're not willing to let go of it, which means that you will never be able to either.  I would hope that a good therapist would make that clear and make your spouse decide if they really are ready to commit to the new you or not.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics