Reply to My mom laughed when I told her my son choked at daycare

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.[/quote]

A few thoughts:

1) That is a lot more information than you gave in your initial post. When you don't give full information but expect people to act as if they had full information, you're setting them up to let you down in their response, and that's not fair to them. I realize your parents may have had more of this information already than we had, but it's something to think about.

2) Your increased sensitivity around your infertility is a separate issue from the incident with your son. I can understand why you might be feeling more emotionally raw right now, but be careful about expecting people to walk on eggshells around you on things unrelated to the fertility issue because again, you're setting them up to let you down.

3) You know your parents have a history of minimizing your feelings and experiences, so stop expecting anything else from them. They are not the people to turn to for support when you go through a stressful episode with your kid. Since the evaluation came back fine, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it to them at all, and definitely not with the expectation of the sympathy and support you were looking for.[/quote]

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