Reply to My mother’s hurtful words. How to deal with her anger?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sucks that your mom said those things, but as the your dad’s life partner she is really hurting. She is the inner ring. You are in the next layer of rings. Talk to a friend or another relative, but don’t dump on your mom right now.[/quote]

PP here. I get that OP's mom is the inner ring but that refers to support flowing inward, not abuse flowing outward. I gave my mom a pass for the first few months and then I realized that one of her ways of coping was to take out her anger at the situation on her children. No. That is not OK.

OP, if this was unusual for her then try to forgive her, she is in pain, but do NOT let this become her pattern. She is not allowed to take out her frustrations on someone who is also going through fear and loss.[/quote]

[i] Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.[/i]

[/quote]

Sorry. You can complain and curse the heavens but if you start abusing me I’m out of your rings or whatever. I’m there to support you, not to be your punching bag. If you can’t grieve without telling me I’m a bad person, we’ll have to grieve separately. I was abused as a child, and I can’t go back there. I know everyone grieves differently, but I lost a child without having to verbally abuse anyone, so I know it can be done. [/quote]

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