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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD had trouble knowing how to respond in the moment. Could that be part of your DD's issue, OP?

Since she's practicing a martial art, she must have an authoritative, powerful voice she can call on. She needs to learn to deploy it to her benefit against her peers. Practice with her at home. That's what I did with my daughter. It felt goofy, but role play helped her practice doing the thing. You take her pencil from her. Have her say, strongly and forcefully "Stop It. That is my pencil. Give it back." or something similar. And then practice what if you don't give it back. Have her counting to 3 in her head, and then immediately going to the teacher or calling for the teacher's attention, whatever is appropriate in her school. She needs to learn to not be passive, not just when she's personally threatened, but also when someone is mistreating her.

Reinforce to her that she's doing nothing wrong, but that there are people who will be mean because they think it's funny. At that point, we need to stand up for ourselves as strongly as we would stand up for another child who was being taunted ([b] bet your DD would stand up for another kid, wouldn't she? Mine would, and had, but had trouble standing up for herself[/b]). It is not ok to let people treat us badly, we deserve to be treated with consideration and respect, and when someone's too clueless to do it naturally, it's appropriate to demand it.[/quote]

Lots of good thoughts here and in other posts, thank you.

The bit in bold is spot on. She's mouthy and has a strong sense of justice, so she often steps into confrontations. But she's a wreck if it's a personal attack. Which is funny because I'm exactly the same way.  :|

I'll ask about her friends. And I might also mention to her karate instructor-- a *very* assertive older woman whom my daughter worships-- that she is having this issue. Martial arts theory normally includes some conflict deescalation training. [/quote]

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