Reply to TSP: financial hardship withdrawal

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been reading this and agree with all the reasons for not doing it but here's my situation. I've been with the DOJ for 31 years and plan to be there another 15. 10  years ago I got married and we had our first kid  we wanted my wife to stay home with her the first few years and then we had another child, once again we want to my wife stay home with her for the first few years. During that time, we built up a bit of debt, well that snowballed over the last  five years. We find ourselves in about $50,000 in debt as well.

The positives we have going for us is and we have our own home and I make fairly good money. When I crunch the numbers I'm upside down every month, anywhere from 500 to 1000  dollars. My wife currently goes to a job that she can't stand, she gets physically ill some days just getting ready for work.  it also causes huge fights between the two of us. I have 180,000 in my TSP, 80 of it  is  my contributions. If I take enough money to pay off all my debts and cover the penalties, my wife can quit her job and stay home with the kids. We talked this over  and if we do it, we agreed to set all the credit cards to pay off each month. 20 K of my debt is a 401(k) loan, So that will bring in another $450 a month, this will help offset my wife not working.

My plan is, to take equity out of the house in a few years and put that back into the 401(k) to make up for the money we took out. Right now we only have about 35,000 in equity.  I know this is also going to sound morbid but my dad just turned 83 and I am hoping he lived to be hundred, when he does pass he will leave us more than the amount will be taking out of Our thrift.   My wife makes very little where she works, but she stays there because we get a discount at the school our kids go to and that's not because were being snobs. The public schools, while rated hi, I have an extremely high amount of bullying and we don't want to subject her kids to that.

I don't need any lectures, I've beat myself up  about this every day. I wish we had never had my wife stay home those five years, why was great for our kids and put us in a hole we never been able to get out of. I get sick to my stomach every year when I fill out my financial disclosure.  So that's why am leaning towards pulling some money and paying off all these bills, self get our life back. We don't travel, we don't buy expensive things, I just made some bad decisions financially and that put us in a deeper hole.

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don't do it OP.  you will never make enough money, never pull enough money out of any magic hats to make your wife happy.  she wants to quit her job, then the kids go to public school.  that's it.  you and your wife are a team, you are not a white knight rescuing a damsel in distress.  you cannot borrow your way out of these marital fights.  invest in marital counseling.  if you live in nice area with nice schools, then you need to downsize, or send the kids to public.  you can't have both.  your wife needs to work.  that is life.  you cannot set yourself up to have everything fall on you.  i know you want to be a good provider.  this is not the way to do it.  it will never be enough.  i'm a wife and a mom, i get it, you want to give your family everything in the world.  what you give your family is your mental health, your energy, your strength, not just your salary.  [/quote]

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