Reply to Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Undoubtedly selfish. Almost the definition of selfish. Nowhere near the ultimate, though. [/quote]

Selfish is one aspect.  After my DW three months ago informed me she wanted a divorce, the shock was this unimaginable emotion of grief.  The rollercoaster of emotions were hectic.  But one therapist discussed with me this idea of "The Walkaway Wife Syndrome."  The DW or any wife for that matter asks the DH to spend more time together or behaviors that she views negatively and they continue for a long time without the DH changing it.  The DW quietly plans her exit strategy. She tells herself, “I’ll leave when my youngest goes to college, or “I’m going to find my soul mate and then I’ll leave this marriage,” or “As soon as I can support myself financially, I’m outta’ here.”  Again, this is  inclusive because my current situation with my DW is that I just found out she is having an extra martial affair and yes, she is selfish.  Exit strategies often take years to execute and during that time women are focused on fortifying their resources, not fixing their marriages.  Some the same reasons could be applied against the male.  After 20 years of marriage, our house will have to be sold and the three kids to learn to live in two homes because of the selfish act of the DW.   [/quote]

How was the relationship during your marriage?[/quote]

The relationship was great until we had our third kid.  The balancing of two careers and kids, our romantic and intimate relationship took a back seat.  The emotional connection was there but the a lone time was lacking.  My DW after the fact let me know she missed having more sex but loved our family.  DW let me know that the AP filled the intimacy gap that she lacked for two years.  Today I just found out her AP dumped her and she is asking to talk.  I love my children but no way would I take her back.  She did the un[/quote]

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