Reply to I feel like a burden and I'm exhausted

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My Dad was born disabled missing a fibula in one leg so his leg is much shorter than the other and with no calf muscle. There are plenty of things he can't do but he's never considered himself to have a disability. He's excelled at a ton of things, including some sports, because he has a nothing is impossible attitude. He would tell you that his disability hasn't been a burden and that having to work hard to deal with it has been good for him. One of the reasons my Mom fell in love with him was because he didn't let it affect him in any way. I'm sure he faced some challenges when he was dating because of his disability but he has never spoken about it. He's been an incredible inspiration to many people I know. [/quote]

NP...sorry, but you're missing the fact that disability stigma is gendered. If your dad was born female, he probably wouldn't have met a guy like your mom because those guys really don't exist. [/quote]

PP, sorry, but IMO your post comes off as blame-casting — the problem isn’t the disability it’s the disabled person’s refusal to believe they can and to work hard at achieving.   You turn disability into laziness.

Not every disabled or SN person should have to be a silent hero to be deemed “succesful” or to participate to their fullest in society.  Count me on #TeamSpeakUp when it comes to coping with disability (or any other life challenge).  The fact that disabled people have spoken up for their needs has enriched all our lives (Hello Siri and Audiobooks....to name just a few things).

I think you have this view of your Dad because a lot of parents believe that speaking about their disability to their kids is placing a kind of burden on them that is inappropriate for their years.  A more mature view of your Dad might be - sure he had limitations but he was lucky there were still a lot of things he could still do and he worked hard to push those boundaries.

Also, please give your Mom credit - often men can be hero disabled because they have women who are helping them compensate.  Since men are not so culturally trained/pressured to be caretakers, it’s not as common that disabled women get a similar level of support from their male partners.[/quote]

I think you need to re-read what I wrote especially regarding "having a more mature view". My Dad knew he had limitations but he more than overcome them as I noted. Also, my Dad did talk to us about his disability because we asked him about it. He never shied away from it and it certainly wasn't a burden on us. In fact, a number of years ago he wrote a very long and detailed story of what he went through from birth to the current day at the request of a medical journal.  I definitely should give my mother credit because there are many things she thinks of to make it easier for him such as hotels with walk in showers, homes with masters on the first floor, non slip bathroom floors. In no way does she see him as disabled but she is attentive enough to see that at times he can be at risk. [/quote]

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