Reply to I started paying my kids for good grades, but now I want to stop

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What are you paying them for each A they get?[/quote]

OP here. It is embarrassing. It was $10 an A!!! I know that it is ridiculous, but I honestly didn't think they were capable. I saw only one or two low As per marking period before the deal. Now, we owe my son $300 for this marking period alone. My daughter is due more than that, she squeezes out As now like she is printing money. [/quote]

It's not embarassing.  You made the best decision you could think of at the time.  And it worked out well.

The key how is to talk with them about it honestly and openly.  You want to help them transition from working hard because of EXTERNAL motivation (money from you) and instead to working hard because of INTERNAL motivation (because it feels good to them for one or more reasons.)

The key here is NOT to tell they why you decided to pay them in the first place (because you didn't think they were capable . . . ouch!!), but instead to tell them you're proud of them for making more of an effort!  And then ask them how they feel -- are they proud of themselves, too?

That's really the next step -- bring THEM into the process.  Ask them questions and get them to think about and reflect on what's happened.  What does it feel like to them to make the effort and see their work pay off?  What does it feel like to get good grades . . . . and also to learn new things, to walk into class prepared, or just plain not have to worry about rolling the dice or getting a bad grade etc. anymore.  Those are INTERNAL motivators -- their feelings, their pleasure at mastering something, taking comfort in being prepared, feeling relaxed and confident about school, etc.

If they can recognize what THEY value about doing well in school and tap into that, they'll be in a great position going forward.  And you could put that money into their college fund.

Here's some more info on the subject:

http://www.personalizelearning.com/2016/03/continuum-of-motivation-moving-from.html

https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/02/motivating-teenagers-how-do-you-do-it.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201005/motivating-your-adolescent-perform

http://garygilles.com/blog/motivating-adolescents-helping-your-teen-toward-responsible-choices-2/

https://thefourthrevolution.org/wordpress/archives/2225 
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