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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can be an involved parent -- one to regularly sees and talks to your children, one who shows up for their events/coaches the team/throws the bday parties, makes them dinner, etc. etc. WITHOUT demanding that the children sleep at your house exactly 50% of the time.

You seem to be setting up a false choice between one parent getting the kids all the time (with dad getting nothing) vs. kids having to shuttle between two homes every few days or every week.

Thankfully, there are judges who consider what it would be like for kids not to have a primary home.  For those who do not see 50/50 custody as ideal, it's not about castigating the father as inferior.  It's not about trying turn the child against the other parent.  It's not about the $$.  It's about putting yourself in the position of the child and imagining how it would be month after month after month to live a few days in one house and then a few days in another house and then back to the first house and then back to the other house and on and on.

I could see it working better if the parents two homes were a block away -- at least then, the kid would have the same neighborhood, the same bus, the same bus stop (for getting off at the right point), the same friends, the same familiarity.  And the kid could easily go back to the other house to get X, Y, or Z.  It still would be difficult to remember where you left your trumpet or your earbuds or your winter coat.

It isn't necessarily "fair" for one parent to have the kids 75% of the time, but it's not about being fair to the parents.  It's about making life livable for the kids.  I know I would not enjoy living in two different households and switching every week.  It would make me feel like my life has gotten harder just b/c my parents decided they don't want to be married anymore.  There is no way this is ideal for the kids.

There are ways to create close relationships without having the kids commuting 50/50 to each parent.[/quote]

If you think kids should not switch homes and only live with one parent, you should make the sacrifice to not having your kids sleep at your home.  You cannot have the same relationship with a child you see once a week and every other weekend vs. actively parenting.  Kids also do not feel a part of that parent's life and at some point, through time, that bond is lost with the lack of relationship.

Worst case, kids have two sets of everything. Not that big of a deal - two trumpets, two sets of ear phones and spare coats so if they are left its no big deal.[/quote]

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