Reply to Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My nephew is a brat. Not all my nieces/nephews are brats, most are polite and super easy going. But this one is. He is 11. It's not a phase.

Because his family is visiting, I will end up driving him around a few times. That's fine. In my car, the rules is that all electronics must have the sound totally off, or you must use headphones. He will give me crap about it, and constantly complain. And constantly disobey. I tell him the sound must be OFF, not low, because I am driving and that's comfortable for me while driving. He'll keep putting it back on.

Last time, I treated all the kids to one of those "Escape Room" type things. He complained the whole time, why we didn't choose one of the other scenarios, after repeatedly explaining that the different time slot did not work out for any of us. He complained about it the rest of the day. The other kids loved it and had no complaints.

He'll complain that there isn't any rice or french fries at thanksgiving... and will just eat corn. Sorry, I have enough to do and make and clean - I'm not making you rice or french fries because you won't eat mashed potatoes or turkey or anything else but corn.

His parents aren't nitpicky, but they don't do anything about his bratty or rude behavior.

Can I just take his phone and put it in the trunk when I'm driving? I know I'll get sh!t from brother and SIL, but the kid's brattiness is their fault.

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I also think this is likely anxiety.  It might not completely change the way you deal with it but it is important to keep it in mind.  You might try to keep yourself from thinking of him as the "bratty" one and try giving him some positive attention/vibes upfront.

I also bet you that this is the kid that will suddenly say to you five years from now, "Do you remember when you took us to that Escape Room?!  I LOVED that!"[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this. I’m willing to give it a different thought, but I don’t understand how constant complaining and lack of gratitude can manifest as anxiety.

And yeah, maybe I come across as a bit harsh, but it’s non stop negativity, complaining, and disrespect. And the parents don’t do anything except offer a half hearted “Jimmy, it’s aunt larla’s car” at most. He is an only child. I know most only children don’t fit the stereotype, but he does. And it’s always been that way. I could not imagine being rude to a grownup as a kid - it’s a matter of respecting other people’s things (my car, my rules) and saying 'thank you.' [b] I’d appreciate insight how this manifests as “anxiety." 
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That's a bit backward. Anxiety in kids (and adults) can definitely manifest as unpleasant behavior although (having raised a kid with severe anxiety disorders/OCD) I would not see chronic complaining as the most likely manifestation. But complaining could be manifestation of other issues resulting in very poor social skills, in which case it's the parents' job to be working on that, and presumably if he DOES have such issues they are looking into it and you'd be aware of that as well.  Also not clear to me if he is an only child or the only complainer in a family of easy going kids. How do the other kids react to him?

And why will you be driving him around? You mean with a car full of kids or just him? If you're Aunt A treating the cousins to an adventure that's one thing, otherwise why would you be his personal tour guide? Won't the other kids nag on him if he's unpleasant? Also, if this is a recurring issue, maybe it will be simpler to declare no electronics on for anyone the car or you're pulling over (and the other kids can clobber him for that).

Keep in mind, if you do not have kids yourself, it's best to deliver rules with a specific demeanor--not stern, not mean, not joking or goofy but absolutely firm but pleasant (even cheerful). Because it is not a moral judging thing, it is just the way it is, and when he is old enough he'll have his own car and will get to make his own rules about sound in the car and maybe even torture you. 
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