Reply to How to make sure DH and I are not a burden on our children someday when we are elderly?

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[quote=Anonymous]First off OP, you are awesome for caring and not burying your head in the sand.

I disagree with the person who said there is little you can control. Don't under-estimate scaling down, especially if you have hoarding tendencies like my parents. It will take me possibly years to deal with the mess they left in their over 40 years in a house where they never even got rid of any tax returns let alone all the magazines, junk, etc. It will be a nightmare just figuring out what needs to be shredded, what can be recycled and donated and what is pure trash and don't even get me started about my crazy siblings who will expect me to send them things like FURNITURE and the fights we'll have when I insist they travel down here and do it THEMSELVES.

Having a plan in place for nurse's aide/nurse and assisted living etc is huge.

GRATITUDE goes a long way. If my parents showed less ATTITUDE and more GRATITUDE I would be so much happier. Also an APOLOGY would go a long way. I would like my parents to just acknowledge some abysmal behavior and show remorse nd EMPATHY-something my mother used to have, but may have lost to aging and/or stress.

Get AARPs driving test yearly to prove to your kids, you are a safe driver so they don't have to argue with you.

If you are a stressed out caregiver, get every form of help including therapy and/or support groups. It is OK to vent some to adult kids, but please don't ever badmouth and threaten divorce. Even as an adult is is painful for me to hear "I could just strangle your father" and "I may just divorce him and leave you to deal." (Yes, we threw a fit to get her into therapy).

Get your finances in order. If your kids don't get along, don't expect them to work together harmoniously when the time comes. Have a plan and spell it out in writing.

Make all your plans clear.

This is morbid, but plan your funeral. Nobody wants to arguing over what dad would have wanted and some people are crazy enough to do this. Buy your plot and have it all prepped so that one kid who was estranged from you doesn't try to make everyone miserable with his rigid ideas about how it must be done.
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